Your Boldness Stands Alone
by pendragonsarthur
Summary: Merlin knew the minute he walked into Camelot that it would be his death. Oneshot. Merlin/Arthur. Warnings: Character death, general sadness. Poor guys.


Merlin knew the minute he walked into Camelot that it would be his death. He knew the minute he met Gaius that he would end up breaking the old man's heart. He knew the minute he met Uther that it would be him to sentence his death. He knew the minute he met Arthur that he'd break his heart as well. Yet Merlin stayed in Camelot, he made his life in Camelot; he was, more than anything, _happy _in Camelot.

He loved the castle; he loved the people and the grounds, the great forest that surrounded it and the lakes. He loved the horses and the chickens, the lower town and the market. He loved Gwen and he loved Gaius, and the most important, he loved Arthur.

Magic was outlawed, Merlin thought, so technically _he _himself was outlawed. Magic didn't belong in Camelot and neither did Merlin. His mother warned him to be careful, so ever careful. She couldn't bear to lose her son. It broke his heart to know he was about to break hers. He supposed Gaius would tell her, or maybe Arthur.

Arthur. His name alone brought a smile his face even as he sat alone in the dungeons, the damned Sun starting to give off her first rays of light on this morning. It was beautiful as always, Merlin noted to himself. What a day to die on, one so beautiful. He rested his head on the cold stone behind him. They would be coming soon to get him.

He thought of Arthur again; his smiling face and his blond hair that always somehow fell into his deep blue eyes, no matter how many times he would push it away. He thought of Arthur; his frowning face, blond hair falling into his deep blue, crying eyes as he made no move to push it away when the dawn was over and Arthur had to face the reality of being alone. Merlin flinched.

He wasn't afraid of dying. Merlin knew he would die at a young age and he would die at the hands of Uther Pendragon in Camelot. He wasn't afraid to die, or what happened afterwards. He was afraid of leaving the people he loved. He was afraid of leaving Gwen and Gaius and his mother and Arthur. The thought of leaving Arthur alone to face what was meant to be _their_ kingdom shook Merlin to the core, to the point of wanting to pull his knees up to his chest and cry for eternity, to wanting his mother to hold him and rock him again as though he were a child.

But Merlin wasn't a child, he was a grown man. Arthur was a grown man.

Sunlight was coming fully through the window at this point, Merlin squinted his eyes at it but didn't move from his spot in the cell. What was the point? He didn't think there was one. He could hear footsteps coming. It was time.

Getting up, he dusted himself off. He never did bother to get more clothes, even though Arthur offered to get him some all those times, no charge. Thinking back on it, he really should've just let Arthur get him the clothes, his pride be damned. But no, he had always refused, and Arthur would always give him that look. Merlin hated that look.

He didn't like pity, and in his heart, Merlin knew that wasn't the look of pity. It was the look of Arthur wanting to do something nice for him, and Merlin continuously refusing. He meant well, Arthur always meant well. Merlin did too, which ended up being what was about to kill him. He only hoped the same fate doesn't happen for Arthur. And still, Merlin knew that just as he wasn't going to live a long life, neither will Arthur. He was a brave and courageous man by anyone's standards, a great swordsman and fighter, but eventually there will be someone greater and stronger, and Merlin won't be there to protect him.

The guards were there. With their jangly keys, they opened the cell door and stepped in, grabbing Merlin under his arms. He looked over and found that he knew the guard, if he remembered correctly his name was John. Merlin tried to give him a reassuring smile, he tried to convey through that smile that no harm was done; he didn't blame John at all. John only gave him _that look_ in response and it made Merlin's skin crawl. He scowled and let himself be dragged out the door.

The walk to the courtyard felt both long and short. Merlin didn't let himself think too much, not about Gaius or Gwen, definitely not about Arthur. He thought about each step he took, each stride that brought him closer and closer to his impending death. These steps would be his last, these steps took him to his death.

The bright Sun shining on him made him squint again, and almost made him smile. It truly was beautiful out; warm, spring days in Camelot were always Merlin's favorite. They were Arthur's favorite days too. They used to sneak out, have a picnic in the forest and fake it for a hunting trip. Merlin would sneak food from the kitchens into a basket, Arthur would take a blanket from his chambers, and they'd take the horses to a small lake. These days were the best, these days of laziness and talking, eating and love.

Uther could do whatever he wanted to Merlin, but he couldn't take away memories. That thought calmed him as he was brought to the pole he was about to be tied to. The sun was blinding, the birds singing. He was being grabbed again, but gently, always gently. There was no roughhousing or rude words.

Merlin let himself be led up those stairs and to the pole, where he was tied to tightly. John gave him the look again, and Merlin found he really didn't mind. John's pity won't matter anymore, and like Arthur, he meant no harm. John didn't want Merlin dead, as many people didn't want him dead. He smiled at John again, and John nodded his peace, stepping back and down.

He looked around the court yard. It was crowded with people he knew, people he treated with Gaius, people he saved, and of course, people he didn't know. No one looked happy, as there were usually a good few of people in the court yard that seemed to love executions. All their faces were cold, some dark, many had their eyes closed tightly.

Merlin spotted Gaius first. Gaius was his rock, and Merlin could thank his mother for eternity for sending him to Gaius and it wouldn't be enough. He would be okay, Merlin thought. Gaius was a fighter, Gaius was a man who pushed through pain. Gaius locked eyes with him and bowed his head, showing no further emotion. Merlin bowed his head in response. He only hoped Gaius knew how much he meant to him.

Gwen was crying hysterically, loudly and wetly. She was clutching onto Gaius' sleeve, so hard the dark skin of her knuckles were turning white. Gwen was Merlin's first real friend in Camelot, and she stuck by his side the entire time. For that, he was eternally grateful. Her wet eyes were searching Merlin's face. Merlin lifted one side of his mouth. It's okay, he wanted to tell her, it was all going to be okay. She smiled at him, a warm smile that she gave him on the first day they met. She would be okay too.

Uther's loud, arrogant voice filled the court yard, everyone flinching at it. Merlin only relaxed into the pole; it was only a matter of time now. Uther told the crowd that he was being killed because of use of magic, which wasn't entirely untrue. Merlin had used magic, yes, in front of the King no less. The magic saved Arthur's life though, and when Merlin was sentenced, Arthur told Uther that he loved him.

It only gave Uther more reason to kill him. Arthur was dragged away, yelling and thrashing by the guards, given orders to not let Arthur out of his chambers.

Merlin had thought that was the last time he would see Arthur, until he heard his voice filtering across the court yard. He was yelling his name, in a hoarse voice, fighting his way through the crowd. Uther started yelling as well, telling guards to restrain him, to light the pyre quickly.

A thousand thoughts filtered through Merlin's mind. All thought process stopped when he finally saw Arthur's beautiful face, in front of the crowd, tear stains on his cheeks. He was yelling again, this time at Uther, begging him to not kill Merlin. Guards ran forward, catching Arthur by his arms. He flailed and fought, managing to knock one of them to the ground. Three more were on him in an instant, holding him tightly and about to take him away.

"Make him watch."

Now Merlin was afraid. Now Merlin was terrified, in every sense of the word. His body started shaking around the bindings that held him to the pole, his own eyes welling with tears. Arthur couldn't watch, that was the one thing that was keeping him sane.

Yet there Arthur was, tears streaming down his face steadily as he still fought against the guards. Everyone was tense as the executor finally brought the torch and lit the pyre. He could see smoke rising from beneath him. Moments later the heat of the fire was burning and hot, the hairs on his arms starting to burn. The smell made him almost vomit.

It was getting hard to breathe now. Everything was starting to move in slow motion, the sounds around him lagging behind it. He looked at Gaius and Gwen, the flames licking at his feet. He looked at Arthur, begging to any higher power there was that he would be okay. Arthur looked at him back, going slack in the guards' arms. He mouthed 'I love you' and felt relieved when Arthur mouthed it back.

Merlin found that he couldn't take another breath, nor did he try to. He relaxed against the pole, and it burned his back. Merlin closed his eyes and never opened them again.

Arthur trashed again, an inhuman sound ripping through his throat as he fought against the guards, wanting to fall into the flame himself. He screamed and he fought and he cried, yet nothing would bring Merlin back.

Merlin knew the minute he walked into Camelot it would be his death, he just didn't know his death would be Arthur's as well.


End file.
